STRONG WOMEN – Get What You Want Without Being a Bitch

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Cyndy Cecil

Cyndy Cecil

August 26, 2015

STRONG WOMEN*

Ever been called a bitch?   I bet back in the day Susan B. Anthony was called a few choice words.  She was laughed at by Congress, belittled for defending a woman falsely accused of killing her child, and angry mobbed for believing that women should own property and vote.  The nerve.  She even wore pantaloons under her short skirt which fell below the knee.  That bitch!  To have the audacity to want equality.

Today is Women’s Equality Day, which commemorates the 19th Amendment being added to the Constitution in 1920, giving women the right to vote!   Today we still have to stand up for ourselves. Unfortunately, whenever we women do something assertive, people often pull out the big bad b-word. To avoid being viewed as abrasive or bossy, here are 5 ways to get what you want without being a bitch!

1.  Channel your sassy 4 year old self.

Don’t be afraid to come right out and ask for what you want, but do it nicely. Whether it’s a raise, more help with housework, or a nice vacation in the Bahamas, a simple request topped with a pretty please can work wonders. If you’re kind and straightforward (not passive aggressive!) with your requests, people will be much more willing to help you out! Also, make sure to keep after it until you succeed. Don’t drop an issue after asking once – be persistent to let people know you mean business!

2.  Be the know-it-all. 

If you have years of knowledge and experience behind you, make sure it’s evident when you’re making your case. No one wants to listen to someone who doesn’t know what she’s talking about, but if you’re credible and intelligent, you will be taken seriously. Don’t flaunt your skills in a demeaning way, simply make it known that you are an authority on the matter and you deserve to be treated as such. People might even appreciate and learn from your wisdom!

 3.  Leave the drama on Broadway.

Don’t drag emotions or attitude into the situation, because they will just muddy up the waters. An eye-roll or a huff can make you seem rude and condescending, and yelling or crying could appear melodramatic. The best thing to do is support your position with compelling facts and evidence, and speak in a neutral tone. This can even apply to a household argument – don’t scream at your husband for “being lazy,” but instead explain that you have a very busy schedule and would appreciate some extra help with the laundry tonight.

 4.  Make a sandwich.

No, not in the kitchen. If you’re complaining about something or requesting a change, sandwich it between a compliment and a constructive statement. Start with the positive qualities of the situation, follow that with the problem, and then explain how you think it can be resolved. If you want to confront your friend about flaking on plans one too many times, here’s an example of how to go about it: “I’m so grateful to have you as a friend, but I’m feeling a little hurt that you keep canceling our plans. Can you make an effort to prioritize our next get together?” A delicious way to confront an issue!   I learned this technique in college from a PR teacher and it’s called The Karkoff Stress Model in psychology land.

 5.  Think big picture.

Remember that whenever you are asking for something or having an argument, you are trying to accomplish a specific thing, the end goal, the big picture. Maybe you’re having a fight with your boyfriend about meeting his parents. The goal is to help him understand why it’s important for you to meet his parents, so digging up old arguments about how his guy friends don’t seem to like you isn’t going to help the situation. Focus on making statements that directly relate to the matter at hand, and don’t get hung up on ancient history.

Next time you’re looking to get your way, those five tips should help you harness your woman-power!

Hugs,
Cyndy

Cyndy Cecil

Cyndy Cecil

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